yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Randomize
