I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize