how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
