my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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