I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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