AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
