If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
