i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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