What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
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its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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