Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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