Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
