I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
