I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
