take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
