My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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