Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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