I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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