just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
