Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
