My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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