As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
