Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
