Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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