Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
