Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
