and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
