My Higher Power is John Stamos
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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