i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
