Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
