I didn't shave. On purpose
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize