living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
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His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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