I could make wine with my vomit
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
