Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
