Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Also, beer. Big fan.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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