I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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