The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
