Plan B is the new Plan A
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
