Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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