Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
