i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
