I wish my penis had an off switch
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
