she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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