I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
