That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
