youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
