Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
