I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
