So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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