we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
