ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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