READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
