honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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