he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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