ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
