Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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