Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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