3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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