I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
