This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
