Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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