i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
