His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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