i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
