Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
