tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
