Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
