I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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