I'm so fucking centered right now
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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