we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
