either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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