Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
